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Gary Church

February 7, 2012

Gary Church: I would decline your offer to dance — if I could only remember your name

NEW CASTLE — I'm aware that I have writing, musical, and public speaking abilities. People tell me that I am multi-talented.

Since all of these come natural to me, I don't look on them as a big deal.

What I mostly notice about myself is all the things I can't do.

I can't dance.

I did the stroll once back in high school, but that's about it.

When I tried fast dancing, I looked like a train wreck falling down a mountain.

Then there's the tool thing. They just don't work right when they are in my hands.

It was a simple automotive job for most people. All I had to do was remove the plug from the radiator and drain it.

The car needed towed by the time I was done.

You may call it a phobia, but I'm deathly afraid of heights.

When I started my job at Weingartner's, they decided we were going to put new shingles on the roof.

I made it up on the roof and over to the chimney, but that's where I stayed. I held on to it for dear life.

There will be no Ferris wheel rides or airplane flights for me.

Remembering names is probably my biggest fault.

We could be kinfolk, and your name will slip my mind.

I use to make fun of my old neighbor Nell. There were 11 kids living with her. She would call at least seven of their names before she got the right one.

Nowadays, I can't remember one.

It's nice that there are stay-on-the-ground cars, and mechanics to fix them. There are roofers who aren't big chickens, and guys who play in the  band and don't have to dance.

Now, if everyone wore name tags, I'd be set.

Oh, one talent I forgot to mention: I can now color without going outside the lines.

 

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