NEW CASTLE —
I'm aware that I have writing, musical, and public speaking abilities. People tell me that I am multi-talented.
Since all of these come natural to me, I don't look on them as a big deal.
What I mostly notice about myself is all the things I can't do.
I can't dance.
I did the stroll once back in high school, but that's about it.
When I tried fast dancing, I looked like a train wreck falling down a mountain.
Then there's the tool thing. They just don't work right when they are in my hands.
It was a simple automotive job for most people. All I had to do was remove the plug from the radiator and drain it.
The car needed towed by the time I was done.
You may call it a phobia, but I'm deathly afraid of heights.
When I started my job at Weingartner's, they decided we were going to put new shingles on the roof.
I made it up on the roof and over to the chimney, but that's where I stayed. I held on to it for dear life.
There will be no Ferris wheel rides or airplane flights for me.
Remembering names is probably my biggest fault.
We could be kinfolk, and your name will slip my mind.
I use to make fun of my old neighbor Nell. There were 11 kids living with her. She would call at least seven of their names before she got the right one.
Nowadays, I can't remember one.
It's nice that there are stay-on-the-ground cars, and mechanics to fix them. There are roofers who aren't big chickens, and guys who play in the band and don't have to dance.
Now, if everyone wore name tags, I'd be set.
Oh, one talent I forgot to mention: I can now color without going outside the lines.
Gary Church
Gary Church: I would decline your offer to dance — if I could only remember your name
- Gary Church
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Gary Church: Stop by and visit my gravesite — I’ll catch up with you later
When I worked at the greenhouse, I would go out of my way to please a customer. Sometimes, they would show their appreciation by bringing in a dozen donuts or a pie or two. One gift I received really caught me off guard.
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Gary Church: Where’s the clutch? And in a related matter, what’s a blog?
When starting a new job, it is customary to go through a training period. Unfortunately, when I started my first job at Welker’s Greenhouse, they did not practice this custom.
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Gary Church: I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t become a great guy overnight — really.
Learning to adapt has played a big role in my 37 years of successful marriage. At night, when my wife takes all of the covers and leaves me with only enough to cover half of my body, I adapt. I keep one half of my body warm for a while, then I roll over and get the other half warm.
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Gary Church: Hey, don’t blame me for ‘well done!’ I’m just agreeing with God
From time to time, my wife and I go out for a steak dinner. Actually, I get the steak, while she usually orders some kind of woman's food. I'm having a problem in restaurants. I don't know who to report this to, but I think I am being discriminated against.
The chefs of the world don't like us "well done" people. -
Gary Church: Wanna know a Mother’s Day secret? I was always the favorite
Mother's Day is coming up, so I thought I would give a little memory of my mom. I've heard my older brothers and sisters constantly say that I was spoiled. They say the reason for this was, I was born one month after my brother Jimmy was killed in France during World War II.
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Gary Church: So a priest walks into the greenhouse ...
In my childhood, I was the token Protestant in an Irish Catholic neighborhood. All the kids I played with went to St. Mary Church and School. I was glad about this because of the horror stories they had about how strict the priests and nuns were.
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Gary Church: I’ve learned that saying goodbye is quite a moving experience
I didn't know I would have so much responsibility when I retired. The moving van came to move my neighbor, Mike, to Corpus Christi, Texas. The movers were very lucky that I was there to supervise. We got everything on. Well, almost everything.
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Gary Church: Yeah, this gift card’s for the birds — and I don’t wanna hear a peep!
I was a little shocked when I received a phone call from an Amishman. He wanted to tell me that I had won a door prize at the Home Builders Show. Being the excitable person that I am, I drove straight to the Cathedral to pick it up, whatever it was.
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Gary Church: Just because the Amish use cell phones doesn’t mean I need one
People are starting to call me an antique, because I don't have a cell phone. If I had a cell phone, I don't have a clue who I would talk to. I doubt if I call someone once a month. So why should I get a cell phone?
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Gary Church: Coconut? Really? Don’t even get me started!
I have been taught that it is not good to hate. For this reason, I have narrowed the list of things I hate down to just one. I do have several things on my “dislikes list,” though.
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