New Castle News

Gary Church

January 15, 2013

Gary Church: Thanks to sock exchange, I’m feeling footloose and fancy free

NEW CASTLE — I have trouble accepting change, but sometimes I'm able to overcome it.

Back in my high school days, I wore white socks all the time.

That way, when it was time for gym, I didn't have to worry that I had left my gym socks at home.

After graduation, I switched to wearing only black ones.

You see, I changed.

The idea behind the big switch was, when I was a bachelor, I didn't want to sort my socks.

I have kept it that way for 50 years.

Over the past few years, complications have come up in my sock drawer.

When purchasing socks, my wife doesn't take the time to read the label. She feels all black socks are the same.

She has bought gold toe, black ribbed socks that I hate, and a few pair of dark blue socks that she thought were black.

These are all mingled in with my true Metropolitan Over The Calf socks.

To complicate things, my socks all have different birthdays.

What this means is, on wash day, I have to sort my socks by how much they have faded, and by the amount of elastic showing at the top.

This Christmas I am proud to say that Santa brought me enough new socks, so I can throw way all the others, and never sort socks again.

No more will I have to check the elastic. No more will I have to look for the two dark blue ones. No more will I have to check to see if they are ribbed or not. Gone are the days when I have to look for the pair I used while painting.

Free at last! Free at last!

They are all headed for the place where only the old socks go.

Boy, what a great title for a song.


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Gary Church
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