New Castle News

Gary Church

April 15, 2014

Gary Church: Congratulations, grandma and grandpa — it’s a ... box?

NEW CASTLE — I hate it when posts on Facebook have to be explained to me.

When did everything change?

I have a great-nephew, and every time he says something funny, I need an interpreter to get the joke.

Last week, I hit an all-time low.

My Facebook friend, Rita, shared a video.

I tried for the life of me, to figure out exactly what was going on, but I didn't have a clue.

What made it worse, my "still in the stone age" wife had to explain it to me.

In the video, Rita's son and daughter-in-law were standing on opposite sides of a very large gift wrapped box, with a bow on the top.

Friends and family were standing around, all with their cameras ready for the opening of the box.

When they opened the box, pink balloons came out, and everyone started yelling and hugging.

From what I could figure out was, they had just found out what gender their future grandchild would be.

What I didn't understand was, why was it such a surprise to the parents?

In the good old days, when my daughter was born, I was in the delivery room when Dr. Bassaly announced, "It's a girl."

I do understand that with today's technology, you can find out the gender of the baby, about 15 minutes after conception.

What I didn't know is, when the doctor finds out what the gender is nowadays, he doesn't tell you.

Instead, you go home and somehow get a gift wrapped box from the doctor with the proper color of balloons inside.

You then throw a party, and everyone brings their cameras to watch you open the box, and then jump up and down with excitement.

I can look at this new way of announcing from different points of view.

When my wife had our daughter, she was in no condition to run out and tell everyone that she just had a girl.

That was my job!

Now, both can share in the announcement.

On the other hand, the doctor no longer gets to surprise the parents with what they have been wanting to know for nine months.

And what about dear old Dad?

He no longer gets to walk through those delivery room doors, with a grin on his face, making the big announcement, "It's a girl!"

I've made a decision that if my wife ever gets pregnant again, I don't want to know the gender until the baby is born.

Then I can walk through the operating room doors, and announce to CNN, ABC, CBS, Fox, and the New Castle News if it was a boy or girl.

I'm sure all of those news companies would be there waiting, especially knowing her age and medical status.

I can see myself now, coming though those doors, holding up my fingers in a V, just like Nixon did.

Do you ever wonder how they will be announcing it 40 years from now.

I doubt that I will understand it then either.

Congratulations, Rita and Tom. You will make perfect grandparents.


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Gary Church
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