New Castle News

Gary Church

September 25, 2012

Gary Church: Dropped the drapes? Partner up with a preacher

NEW CASTLE — The closest I have come to a near-death experience was while I was visiting with my friends Jim and Dee.

For those who don't know Dee, she is a perfectionist.

She also is a decorator, and one of her specialties is hanging drapes.

I learned right away, when she gets them hung, don't think of moving the shears with your finger, to look outside.

I did, and nearly lost a finger. From then on, no matter what was going on outside, I never touched the drapes.

One night after church, she invited some of us over for coffee and cake.

Before the others got there, we were discussing that her stereo wasn't working correctly.

I'm not an electrician, but I thought I would check the back of the stereo to see if the wires were all in place.

In their dining room, there were three large windows with several panels of drapes and shears covering them.

Her stereo was in front of a radiator, which was in front of this large window, that had the perfectly hung drapes.

When I sat on the radiator, I caught the shears with my dumpa, and the whole shebang came tumbling down.

I saw my life pass before my eyes.

How was I going to go out to the kitchen and tell Dee, who was waiting on the rest of the company to arrive, that I just pulled her drapes down?

I thought about running out the front door and never returning, but I really wanted a piece of cake.

Dee is only five feet tall and about a hundred pounds. How much bloodshed could she cause?

When I walked into the kitchen, just from the guilty look on my face she asked, "What's wrong?"

She took it fairly well. No death threats, maybe a few remarks about my intelligence, but that was it.

She even let me have a piece of cake.

I don't think the preacher being there had anything to do with me still being alive.

Well, maybe it did a little.



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Gary Church
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