New Castle News

August 28, 2012

Gary Church: Holy underwear! I need some new drawers in my drawer

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — While looking back on a recent situation, I have come to realize that I'm totally hen-pecked.

I'm sure after reading this, you will all agree with me.

Lately, about every other day, my wife informs me that she is going shopping for a new top.

After asking if she will be home to hand out my food rations for the next meal, I wish her a hearty farewell.

The other day, I thought I might want to do a little shopping myself.

I informed my wife a day ahead of time, that I was going to the Jockey Store in the Grove City Outlets to purchase some brand new unmentionables.

Instead of getting the reply, "Have a nice time, you really need them," I got a lecture on why I don't need to make such a purchase.

She said that I have plenty, and they are all in good shape.

I felt so ashamed of myself for thinking I needed new ones.

During her rant, I never got a chance to explain to her my reasons for purchasing them, so I will tell you.

I have been wearing the same size thingies since I was about 10.

Upon my last visit to the Jockey Store, I had forgotten what size that was.

The sales clerk measured me and told me the correct size I should be wearing.

I purchased four pair.

Almost instantly after putting them on, my voice lowered two octaves.

The mistake I made was, I didn't throw away the smaller size ones, and they keep reappearing in my drawer.

Since I had a few extra bucks that were burning a hole in my pocket, I thought I would upgrade all the unmentionables to the correct size.

I'm sorry to say that after receiving the lecture from my wife, I wimped out and didn't go on my shopping spree.

Do you know what would be a kind gesture on your part?

If you see my wife anywhere, just mention to her that it would be wonderful, if she would allow me to upgrade the drawers in my drawer.

I would truly appreciate this and I'm sure the bass section in the choir will, too.