New Castle News

November 12, 2013

Gary Church: I felt like a real boob at the bra display

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — After noticing some of my T-shirts were looking a little bit tattered, I went shopping.

I know it's close to Christmas, but I like to keep my underwear drawer full and fresh, so Santa doesn't have to bring me new ones.

I’m not a fan of unwrapping underwear, especially if it has a bow on the box and I think it's a chain saw or rototiller.

The only place that has T-shirts for a fully formed body like mine is the Jockey stores at the outlets.

I was there a few months ago, and could not help but notice a Kool-Aid pitcher of water sitting in the bra display.

This puzzled me.

I mentioned it to my Facebook friends, but no one had an answer as to why it was there, at least any that I could put in print.

On my recent visit, the pitcher was still there, half full of water, with a tape measure around it.

Curiosity got the best of me.

I asked the sales lady, "Why is there a jug of water by the bras, and why is the tape measure around it?"

She said that Jockey has a new way of measuring the correct bra size for women.

It seems that the tape measure thing that they have used since the Roman Empire is no longer the correct way.

She continued on by giving me some breast facts she felt I should know — and some water.

I tried to seem interested, but I didn't pay any attention to a thing she said.

I did learn that the bra size is now measured by volume.

She then hit me with the information, "It is designed by women, for women."

I wasn't sure who else they would be designed for, but I kept my mouth shut.

On my way out, I stopped at the pitcher of water and studied the display a little more closely.

Thankfully, no one else was in the store.

I noticed some things in the display that looked a lot like the dust masks I used to wear at the greenhouse when I mixed dirt.

Being a guy, I thought they might be a little extra padding for those who aren't well-endowed.

I think I was wrong on that.

They are probably the volume measuring device that was designed by women, for women.

Why did it take them so long to find out they have been measuring their breasts wrong?

If the fly opening on men's underwear was in the back instead of the front, it wouldn't take men a million years to figure out they need to move it.

I just hope the new bra sizes aren't measured in cubic feet.

I can picture a woman who is 36-24-36.

No man will be able to fathom what a 2 cubic feet by 1 cubic foot by 2 cubic feet woman will look like.