NEW CASTLE —
I try to eat everything I put on my plate.
My wife is the exact opposite. Her plate doesn't look much different when she's done eating, than from when she started.
This obsession has caused me a few problems in my lifetime.
My wife likes to tell about the time I was playing softball at Deshon fields for the church league.
My position was first base.
It was hot out, and we were at bat. I figured I had time for a snow cone before we took the field again.
That didn't happen.
I was only halfway done eating it, and we had to go back out onto the field.
Everyone knows you need only your left hand to play first base. This left my right hand free to hold my snow cone.
Naturally, the first hit was to the shortstop. He then threw it to me.
I held the snow cone in my teeth, and made the play.
I did spill a little bit on my shirt when I had to reach for the ball, but we got the guy out.
Her other famous story is about the time we were staying in a brand new motel in Cincinnati.
It had a second-floor breakfast area with a large picture window to look out.
Just as I got my waffle prepared exactly how I like it, the fire alarm went off.
Everyone evacuated the building and stood in the back of the motel parking lot.
My wife tried to find me in the crowd, but was unsuccessful.
Finally, she looked up at the breakfast room window, and saw me inside eating my waffle, all alone.
I couldn't leave that perfectly cooked waffle on my plate. I was going to evacuate as soon as I finished eating it.
It turned out to be a false alarm. When they all came back in, I enjoyed another waffle, just to celebrate everyone being safe.
So if we're ever in a restaurant, and you start choking, I'll be over to perform the Heimlich maneuver
As soon as I finish dessert.
Gary Church
Related Photos
-
About Gary Church: Gary is a columnist and contributing writer for The News. He’ll share his thoughts on this blog each Tuesday and Friday.
Discussion
Gary Church: The hotel may burn, but don’t mess with my waffles
- Gary Church
-
-
Gary Church: Stop by and visit my gravesite — I’ll catch up with you later
When I worked at the greenhouse, I would go out of my way to please a customer. Sometimes, they would show their appreciation by bringing in a dozen donuts or a pie or two. One gift I received really caught me off guard.
-
Gary Church: Where’s the clutch? And in a related matter, what’s a blog?
When starting a new job, it is customary to go through a training period. Unfortunately, when I started my first job at Welker’s Greenhouse, they did not practice this custom.
-
Gary Church: I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t become a great guy overnight — really.
Learning to adapt has played a big role in my 37 years of successful marriage. At night, when my wife takes all of the covers and leaves me with only enough to cover half of my body, I adapt. I keep one half of my body warm for a while, then I roll over and get the other half warm.
-
Gary Church: Hey, don’t blame me for ‘well done!’ I’m just agreeing with God
From time to time, my wife and I go out for a steak dinner. Actually, I get the steak, while she usually orders some kind of woman's food. I'm having a problem in restaurants. I don't know who to report this to, but I think I am being discriminated against.
The chefs of the world don't like us "well done" people. -
Gary Church: Wanna know a Mother’s Day secret? I was always the favorite
Mother's Day is coming up, so I thought I would give a little memory of my mom. I've heard my older brothers and sisters constantly say that I was spoiled. They say the reason for this was, I was born one month after my brother Jimmy was killed in France during World War II.
-
Gary Church: So a priest walks into the greenhouse ...
In my childhood, I was the token Protestant in an Irish Catholic neighborhood. All the kids I played with went to St. Mary Church and School. I was glad about this because of the horror stories they had about how strict the priests and nuns were.
-
Gary Church: I’ve learned that saying goodbye is quite a moving experience
I didn't know I would have so much responsibility when I retired. The moving van came to move my neighbor, Mike, to Corpus Christi, Texas. The movers were very lucky that I was there to supervise. We got everything on. Well, almost everything.
-
Gary Church: Yeah, this gift card’s for the birds — and I don’t wanna hear a peep!
I was a little shocked when I received a phone call from an Amishman. He wanted to tell me that I had won a door prize at the Home Builders Show. Being the excitable person that I am, I drove straight to the Cathedral to pick it up, whatever it was.
-
Gary Church: Just because the Amish use cell phones doesn’t mean I need one
People are starting to call me an antique, because I don't have a cell phone. If I had a cell phone, I don't have a clue who I would talk to. I doubt if I call someone once a month. So why should I get a cell phone?
-
Gary Church: Coconut? Really? Don’t even get me started!
I have been taught that it is not good to hate. For this reason, I have narrowed the list of things I hate down to just one. I do have several things on my “dislikes list,” though.
- More Gary Church Headlines
-
