New Castle News

August 16, 2013

Gary Church: Did you see me at the party? I was the one wearing white

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — I attended the third annual Twinkle Light White Party, given by my friend Jen Fazzone McNally.

I also attended the second annual Twinkle Light White Party.

The only dress requirement is, you must wear white.

I was a little concerned this year because Natalie Williams of Sweetart Photography was going to be there, along with 6,143 other ladies with cell phones taking pictures.

I bought a white shirt last year to wear, and had my photo taken several times.

Ladies, I'm sure you understand why I didn't want to have on the same outfit as I did in last year’s photos.

So I went shopping in all the mega-size stores I could find for a different shirt.

After four stores, I finally found a white shirt with pockets that actually would fit me.

As a bonus, I saw a pair of white shorts my size, and added them for my Twinkle Light White wardrobe.

Since there is only room for one person in front of my hall mirror, I waited until my wife and daughter had left before I got ready.

I looked good in my white. Had I put a hood on, you might have mistaken me for Casper.

One last look in the mirror, and it was time to load my pockets with my wallet, hankie, and car keys.

Everything was going fine until I went to put my wallet in my back left pocket.

There was no opening.

I panicked.

Try not to picture this, but I had to remove my shorts, to see what the problem was.

I found out that some idiot had sown the pockets shut.

I've seen this on suit coats, but never on a cheap pair of Claiborne shorts.

I looked for a thread that I could pull, but there was nothing.

My next idea was to cut the thread, but what if it wasn't supposed to be cut?

I would be going to the Twinkle Light White party with a huge hole in the back of my new shorts.

At least what would be exposed underneath, was also white.

I did what I had to do, and put my wallet and phone in my front pocket.

Do you know if you have tight white shorts on, and your shorts press against your phone button, your phone screen lights up, and can be viewed right through your shorts.

It became a party hit.

Outside of my shorts problem, I had a great time at the gala event.

One funny thing that happened was when a car salesman pointed his wife out to me. He said, "She's the one in white."

Every walk of life was represented at the party.

There was a school teacher, a grocery store manager, a retired basketball coach, and a gynecologist that you could chat with.

Since I was so busy telling everyone about my shorts, I never had time to get over to the gynecologist's table to chat.

Maybe next year.