New Castle News

Gary Church

September 4, 2012

Gary Church: Some ‘Big’ news about my underwear search

NEW CASTLE — It's always a thrill each morning to find out what my wife has planned for me that day.

Last week she said, "Since we have to go to Sharon, why don't we stop by the Stoneboro Fair for lunch?"

This gave me an idea.

After I got her in the car, I headed straight for the Outlets. I couldn't wait to get to the Jockey Store.

As soon as I entered the store, the sales lady informed me that everything was 40 percent off.

I did a little jig.

I told her that I had a 20 percent off coupon, and wondered if I could still use it.

She said, "Yes!"

After another little jig, I said, "Wow! By the time all of these discounts are taken, you will owe ME money."

If you have never been in the Jockey Store, one side is ladies, the other is men.

My question is, why isn't there a man working on the men's side, instead of two ladies running the joint.

I had some very personal questions that I just didn't feel I could ask a woman that I've never met. So I didn't.

My guchies aren't X-rated, but the last time I got my size, they were in a drawer under the counter.

For this reason, and against everything I believe in about asking directions, I had to inquire of the lady, "Where are the tall men's briefs?”

She said, "We don't carry them anymore."

My heart sank.

She then led me to the "Big" sizes that they now carry.

What else could I do?

I bought them.

I explained to my wife that if they didn't fit, we could always use them as bed sheets.

With all my discounts, each pair cost me $5.

Compared to the Victoria’s Secret sale of 5 for $26 for the lady's bloomers, I think I got a great deal and a whole lot more product.

Since it will be several years before my next shopping spree, I bid the girls at Jockey a hearty farewell and rode off to the fair.

Of course, the fair wasn't open yet, so "Miss Know it All' had to find another place to eat lunch. Stoneboro is just full of them — NOT!

I'm just glad it was her gas we were using.

To those of you needing a pool cover, may I suggest going to the 'Big' section at the Jockey Store, and for $5, you've got it covered.


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Gary Church
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