New Castle News

Gary Church

July 4, 2014

Gary Church: Want me to be happy? Well, paper towels aren’t exactly a quicker picker upper

NEW CASTLE — I've always had a problem with accepting change.

So when a company changes something about its product, it drives me nuts.

My latest rampage is the select-a-size paper towels.

I hate them.

There is no mess that I make, or anything I have to wipe up, that takes a half a paper towel.

The Church household is usually a calm place, except when my wife comes homes with select-a-size paper towels.

I've pleaded and pleaded with her not to buy them, but she says that's all she can find.

She needs to try other stores.

Perhaps some nice shops in Philadelphia may have them.

When she buys paper towels, she gets only one role at a time.

She says there is not enough room in the house to store eight rolls.

There would be if she emptied her closet of half of the 27,000 tops she owns.

I would gladly buy the paper towels, if she trusted me with the debit card.

But honestly folks, I've never been allowed close to the thing.

Should you ever see our names in the divorce notices, now you will know whose fault it was.

It's the guy who invented select-a-size paper towels.

I just hope he doesn't come out with a select-a-size toilet paper or Kleenex.



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Gary Church
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