New Castle News

Gary Church

July 1, 2014

Whew! That was a close shave for the poor little bird!

NEW CASTLE — The first thing I do every morning, after performing some bodily functions, is shave.

Last week during my shaving time, I heard the sound of pots and pans tumbling to the floor.

My first thought was, my wife has had a heart attack, and landed somewhere in the dishwasher.

If that happened, I figured I better finish shaving before I checked it out. Who wants to face the ambulance driver, half shaven?

While I was finishing up, I heard the gentle sounds of my wife yakking at the door saying, "We have a bird in the hot water exhaust pipe! I can hear him moving around."

If I would have continued on, and taken my shower, the bird would get cooked.

This has happened many times before, so I knew how to handle it.

After getting partially dressed, I disconnected the pipe.

The bird stuck his head out, looked around a little, and flew out the back door, waving goodbye to me.

So I asked my loving companion, "What was the big clanging of pans that I heard?"

In not a real silent manner, she stated, "When you disconnect the pipe, stuff usually falls out."

She decided to remove the pots and pans from under the pipe, so the dirty stuff would not fall on them.

She then very nicely piled the pots, including the one-ton Dutch oven, on top of a $1.95 plastic bowl.

The bowl split in half, sending the pots to the floor.

No one was killed in this catastrophe, but the sound equaled an atomic blast.

She then ended her report with, "That's all that happened."

I knew this was not a true statement, because I smelled Clorox.

Upon further questioning, she confessed that the cap was not real tight on the Clorox, and it spilled when the pans knocked it over.

She further added that she was going to call the company about how she can't get the cap on the bottle tight.

Our floor now looks like a zebra.

This all happened before breakfast.

I guess to ensure that I have a peaceful time shaving in the morning, and to protect the local wildlife, my next project will be to get the chimney cap fixed.

I've been saving up for about 40 years to do this project, and I think I almost have enough to pay for it.


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Gary Church
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