New Castle News

Gary Church

August 2, 2013

Gary Church: Sure my wife's car has extra gadgets...but look how the rust shines on mine!

NEW CASTLE —

I buy my cars, but my wife prefers to lease hers. She has had 3 new cars while I am still driving my 2002 Mercury Sable.
 
Things have changed since 2002 on the extra stuff you can get on your car.
 
My car has the basic motor, heater, windshield wipers, and glove compartment.
 
Her new car has a movie screen that shows what's in the back of her, when she is in reverse.
 
Now she can actually aim for the garbage can, while backing out of our driveway.
 
When we leased the car, they gave us a three month subscription to Sirius radio.
 
I haven't been able to listen to the radio for years because I don't care for the new music.
 
This has changed since her new car arrived. 
 
I can listen to the hits of 1948 and join right in with my melodious voice.
 
We also have Onstar, which I don't quite understand.
 
They told me I have a telephone, I just don't know where this phone is located.
 
Mike the car salesman showed me everything, but it was like listening to my old algebra II teacher Al Plant, and trying to remember it all.
 
I was told that all I have to do is say the phone number and it gets dialed.
 
 I'm wondering, what if I don't know the number?  Should I start carrying a phone book with me, every time I go for a drive.
 
Can anyone call me, and exactly what is my phone number?
 
Do I just say "Hello," whenever I hear something that sounds like I should answer it.
 
All I know about Onstar is, if the airbags deploy, they send help.
 
I'm wondering, if I'm having a heart attack, how do I get the airbags to deploy, so help will come?
 
I'm worried that by the time I learn all this stuff, it will be time for her to get a new car.
 
Another thing I'm worried about, we are allowed 39,000 miles.
 
I think she used that up during the first week of driving the car.
 
Not to be outdone, I gave my Mercury Sable its annual wash.
 
You should see how nice and clean the rust looks now.

1
Text Only | Photo Reprints
Gary Church
House Ads
Poll

Summer is a perfect time for a good read. Where's your favorite place to spend off time with your nose in a book?

Relaxing on the couch
On a bench in the park
By the pool
At the closest beach
I don't have time to read
     View Results