New Castle News

August 14, 2012

Gary Church: Fat chance I’ll become a cereal killer, but I’m tempted

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — I decided several years ago to go on a diet, mainly because I couldn't fasten my pants anymore.

After much study, I chose the all-meat Atkins diet.

There one problem I had with it. I wasn't sure what to eat for breakfast.

My wife was already at work when I would get up. Otherwise, she could have prepared me a delicious breakfast of bacon and eggs every morning.

Kelloggs came to my rescue with a low carb, high protein cereal called Special K with High Protein.

I've been eating it every day for about 10 years.

You see on the box "Try for 2 weeks and lose 2 inches."

You should not be able to see me standing behind a pencil, if that worked.

When I went to open my most recent box, I saw those horrifying words, "Now Tastes Even Better."

This means they changed it.

I hate change!

Right away I noticed the cinnamon flavor they added.

I threw a fit!

They never changed Rice Krispies or Corn Flakes, why did they change mine?

Then I noticed they lowered the fiber from 5 grams to 3 grams.

At 2 grams less per day, thats 730 grams per year that is now gone.

So long 730 grams. I'll miss you.

The fiber must have been what made the cereal sink to the bottom.

Now I have these little flakes floating around on top of the milk.

Since I like every morsel of stuff gone out of the bowl before I drink the milk, this takes extra time.

My rest period after breakfast had to be rescheduled to about two minutes later.

I am getting used to the taste, but not use to those floating thingies.

By the way, after losing 40 pounds, I went off the Atkins diet after a year.

I decided it was easier just to buy a bigger pair of pants.