New Castle News

July 6, 2012

Gary Church: You know what flies really like? I’m full of it

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — Like me, you all probably enjoyed the mild winter we had this year.

I bet you even liked the early warm weather in the spring.

I know something else that found it really suitable for themselves. That would be the housefly.

Last year, we didn't get the fly swatter out. This year, I sit on the patio with one in my hand at all times.

Well, not at all times. Sometimes my wife has it.

After an in-depth study from my back porch, I have figured out that flies aren't real smart.

If I come and sit on your lap, and you swing a ball bat at me, I guarantee you, I won't come back.

These guys land on me, and sometimes I may miss when I swat. I never was very good at sports.

The fly leaves hastily, but within a few seconds, it returns to the same spot.

This would not be a smart thing to do. I don't miss twice.

I'm going to need a front-end loader to haul all the dead flies away.

There has got to be a reason why flies enjoy me so much this year.

They are attracted to sugar and I am a very sweet person.

I've checked the patio, and didn't find any corpse lying around.

Yes, I tried bathing once in a while, but still didn't see any difference in the number of flies around me.

Since I've been studying the fly, I've learned their preferred place to lay eggs is in horse manure.

There is no horse manure in my yard, although some people think I'm full of it.

Perhaps this winter, we'll have snow every day and temps well below zero that will kill the fly.

On second thought, what's a few dead flies lying around, and swatting is such good exercise!