NEW CASTLE —
My first concern with the new guy was: what kind of riding mower does he have?
The old Mike's mower wasn't as big or as powerful as mine, plus I had a cup holder. His didn't.
This gave me a little feeling of superiority when we were mowing at the same time.
It didn't make any difference that I never used it. If we were cutting grass at the same time, I'd get an empty cup, just to place it there.
One night as I was chatting with the new neighbors, the subject of riding mowers came up.
The new Mike told me he has a lawn mowing service and cuts grass after work. He then told me how much he paid for his mower.
A true statement: it was more than I paid for my house!
Now, instead of feeling superior, I have to cut my grass in disguise while he is at work.
I don't want him to know my mower is not as good as his.
The one he has is a zero-turn mower, and I know he goes about 80 mph when he flies past my lawn chair.
Neshannock Police could make a few extra bucks if they would set up a radar gun in my yard.
The mower isn't my only problem.
There is the new deluxe snow blower that I bought last winter.
I made sure mine was bigger and had more gadgets than my old neighbor Mike's cheapo snow blower.
The new Mike has a pickup truck with a snow plow on it. I'm sure that cost more than my house, too.
I guess I'll need a disguise for winter, too.
On the other hand, maybe he will plow my driveway for me, and I can just stay inside drinking hot chocolate.
I still hold a little edge on gardening knowledge over him and his wife.
I recently asked, "How far back did you cut the wisteria?"
They replied, "What wisteria?"
My response was, "The one growing on your pool fence."
Rochelle got a concerned look and said, "We thought that was a weed and cut it to the ground!"
I guess if I ever catch Mike giving a pitiful look at my mower, I'll just ask him, "How is your wisteria doing? Ha ha ha!"
It's always good to have an edge.
Gary Church
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About Gary Church: Gary is a columnist and contributing writer for The News. He’ll share his thoughts on this blog each Tuesday and Friday.
Discussion
Gary Church: My mower envy cuts so deep I may get all wister-ical
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