New Castle News

Gary Church

May 23, 2014

Gary Church: The drapes of wrath — if my wife has her way, it could be curtains for me

NEW CASTLE — My wife and I don't fight, but we have some real lively conversations sometimes.

When it comes to decorating, our tastes are totally opposite.

Every time this subject comes up, there is chaos in our humble abode.

This week, the subject of new drapes came up.

I hate shears and, of course, she loves them.

I want light, while she prefers living in a dark dungeon.

During our discussion of getting drapes, she inquired, "Why don't we get taupe-colored drapes?"

Now that's a tactic that sneaky women like to use when arguing with men — speaking in a foreign language.

How would I know what color taupe is?

Men know purple, white, black, brown, yellow, blue, red, orange, and green.

Strange words like mauve, taupe, and turquoise, are not in our vocabulary.

All I want is drapes to go with our new windows.

The discussion then moved on to her saying that the drapes for the window behind my chair have to be custom made.

No problem.

Right away I showed her an ad for a place that makes custom-made drapes.

She responded: "That would be too expensive."

Now if she says the drapes have to be custom made, where else would you go get them made, other than a custom drape place?

The window isn't that big. How expensive could it possibly be?

I could place a couple of hankies on each side of it, and that would cover the thing.

Then there are the frilly curtains in my office.

When it was a bedroom, frilly was fine.

Things have changed.

Now it's an office, and I want something a little more manly in there.

This kind of lively debate is why we don't get new drapes very often.

We have one month to come up with a compromise.

This blog is sort of a public service announcement for my neighbors.

For the next month, just ignore all the commotion you may hear coming out of our household.

It's just a polite conversation over the brown versus taupe drapes.

And should you see anyone in our back yard with a shear curtain wrapped around her neck, just ignore it.

That's just showing that I finally got my way.


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Gary Church
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