New Castle News

December 11, 2012

Gary Church: When it comes to toilet paper holders, I’m on a roll

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — It's been 44 years since I left my West Side neighborhood and moved to Neshannock Township.

The Neshannock home that I bought had many features the one on Bluff Street did not have.

What I was most excited about was the in-wall toilet paper holder.

At the Bluff Street address, we just set the roll of toilet paper on the back of the commode.

Sometimes, when we weren't careful, someone would knock it off into the toilet bowl.

Having a bathroom with an in-wall toilet paper holder was like moving into high society for me.

Since we are remodeling, I thought perhaps we might get a new, fancier holder.

I pictured one with farm animals on it, to class up the bathroom a little.

There were no in-wall toilet paper holders to be found.

You would think that someone would have called and told me that the in-wall holders are out of style.

Not one of you did.

There was one that I saw in a store, but it was too big.

The sales lady told me that all I needed to do was make my hole bigger.

I mentioned to her that carpentry was not my gift. If I would start cutting a larger hole, I'd probably mess it up.

You could just picture a huge hole in the front of my house, where I accidentally cut through the wall.

If I did that, I would probably have to make it look like a mail slot.

I finally got out the Brasso and cleaned up the old toilet paper holder, and it looks just fine.

Since I'm not an artist, there won't be any farm animals on it, just shiny chrome.

I'm afraid there are many people out there like me, who don't know their toilet paper holder is out of style.

When you visit a friend’s house and ask to use the john, check out what kind of toilet paper holder they have.

They will appreciate being informed if theirs is outdated.

 P.S. — I'd wait until I was done using the john before I brought up the toilet paper thing.