New Castle News

Gary Church

August 27, 2013

Gary Church: I thought it was true love at the wiener roast — but I was burned again

NEW CASTLE — My social life has gone up 100 percent this year.

Last year, I was invited to one summer party. This year, it has doubled and I attended two summer gala events.

During the most recent one, at my Facebook friend Diane's house, I almost ended up running off with another woman.

It all happened so suddenly.

I was walking up to the food display, when I saw a woman pick up a wiener and place it back on the grill.

She then said to Larry the grill guy, "I have to have my hot dog burnt all the way around before I eat them.

I had never met a woman like this before.

Trying to get my wife to burn my food is almost impossible. She just doesn't understand what burnt means.

When I'm ordering something in a restaurant, I usually just ask for a plate of ashes.

It may have been a little impulsive, but I turned to the burnt hot dog lady and asked her to marry me.

She told me she was already married, and the only reason she wants her hot dogs burnt all the way around is so she can digest them.

I then asked how she likes her steaks.

She said medium rare.

That's when I came to my senses.

When my wife eats her steaks medium well, I have to put a barrier up between us, so I don't puke at the sight of pink meat.

This lady's steak would be red, not pink. That means I wouldn't be in the same room eating with her.

Unless we ate hot dogs every night, it just wouldn't work out.

No, I never got her name.

I guess it was like two ships passing in the night.

Probably two speed boats passing in the night would be a better description.

I ended up going back and sitting with my wife the rest of the evening.

There didn't seem to be any good reason for me to share my story with her.

It occurred to me that pink food would be better than no food.                     


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Gary Church
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