New Castle News

December 3, 2013

Gary Church: Me? A ‘slop?’ Nah, I’m just practical

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — Well, she's at it again.

The name calling I have to put up with has rekindled.

Since winter is upon us, and I must wear outer garments, the verbal abuse gets worse.

My wife has been referring to me as a "slop."

This is not true, although it may look that way at first glance.

Upon pondering, I have come to realized that I dislike closets.

When I have to put a coat on to go somewhere, I don't want to stand outside a dark closet and try to pick out the correct coat.

Most of our coats are the same color, and it's hard to get the right one.

To add to that, my job as scanner duty photographer means I have to be ready in an instant, just like a fireman.

Who wants to spend valuable time looking in a closet for the coat of choice.

It's much easier, when I take my coat off, to gently toss it on the chair.

It is always in plain sight, and ready to be put on in the blink of an eye.

This is not being a slop, it is being prepared!

Then there is our ornate floor lamp issue that she complains about.

My bending over days are over.

That's why I have a pole gripper, to pick things up that fall on the floor.

This leads to the question, where do you put the gripper so you can easily reach it?

Who wants to bend over to pick up the tool that is supposed to keep you from bending over?

That is why I have chosen the floor lamp that is right beside my chair, as the perfect spot to hang it.

This floor lamp also has some decorative hooks on it, which are perfectly suited for my back scratcher to hang on.

So now the lamp has a gripper, and a back scratcher hanging from it, as an added décor.

Also during the winter, I wear a ball cap when I go on a photo shoot.

Everyone knows the best spot for a ball cap to sit on is the top of the floor lamp.

I never realized how useful this lamp was going to be when I bought it from Weingartner’s.

For some reason, my wife hides these things when she entertains.

So as you can well see, I'm not a slop, I'm just practical.

It's too bad the floor lamp won't support my coat. That way, the chair would be free, and everything I needed would be in one location.

This could very well be my next invention, a hang-all floor lamp!