New Castle News

Gary Church

December 24, 2013

Gary Church: Ready to start shopping, men? May I suggest a Wax Vac?

NEW CASTLE — Gentlemen, if you haven't looked at your calendar lately, today is our day to start our Christmas shopping.

You'll probably be in a hurry, so I'll give you some professional tips on what to get your bride this year.

The first thing I would look for in the store is a sign that says, "As Seen On TV."

Women just love this stuff.

A sure hit with the Missus would be a Potato Express.

How often does she come home from work late, and doesn't have the time to put a baked potato in the oven for your dinner.

With the Potato Express, she will be able to have a delicious, tender skinned, and fluffy baked potato ready for your supper in just four minutes.

She will never stop thanking you for how much thought you put into her present.

Women always gripe if you don't get them something personal.

As Seen On TV has just the present she will be able to enjoy day after day.

Just get her a pair of Pajama Jeans.

Yes, Pajama Jeans, they look like jeans, but feel like pajamas.

What's good about them is, they fit every figure perfectly.

Let’s say she has had one of those days when she is too tired to get undressed for bed.  No problem with the Pajama Jeans. She can jump right in, and be totally comfortable in her Pajama Jeans she has had on all day.

A lot of you guys are losing sleep because your wife is going through the "change."

One problem happens when you are curled up under the covers on a cold winter night, and all of a sudden she gets a hot flash.

You know what happens to all the covers.

But help is on the way.

Run down to the store right away and get her a "Chillow."

This is a cooling pad that fits right in her pillow, and will keep her from having to throw all the covers off the bed, exposing you to a cold chill.

You will both have a comfortable night’s sleep.

Last, but not least, might I suggest getting her a Wax Vac.

No one likes water in their ears after a shower. Q-tips are not suggested to be used in the ear.

She can just stick the Wax Vac in her ear, turn it on, and it works like a shop vac. It removes the water and other debris right out of her ear.

She is already familiar with running a vacuum cleaner, so she will be able to adjust perfectly to using the Wax Vac.

Plus, it is quiet, so the neighbors won't hear her running the vacuum in her ears.

The only problem: the stores that sell these items usually don't provide a gift wrap service.

Your Aunt Dorothy should be able to wrap them for you.

Being the humble guy that I am, you can take full credit for thinking of these gifts.

There is no need to tell her I helped you with what to buy.

Just say Santa suggested them.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Gary Church
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