Gary Church
- Gary Church
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Gary Church: Wife’s bathroom blade betrayal cuts deep
Charlie Rich had a hit tune called, "Behind Closed Doors." One line in the song says, "Oh, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors." I found this line to be very true last week.
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Gary Church: Wild Bill is now over the hill ... but certainly not forgotten
The real comedian of the Church family was my brother Bill. I don't know if I have ever heard him say anything sensible in my life. When you would first meet him, his usual greeting was, "I'm Wild Bill from over the hill. Never drank and never will, unless I'm by myself or with somebody."
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Gary Church: Some sick humor is just what the doctor ordered
I have reached the age where I take a few prescribed medications to keep my numbers in line. But picking up a prescription is a lot more complicated than it use to be. I was just at a pharmacy to get my usual monthly prescription.
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Gary Church: It’s time to finally come clean — I was no shining star
Somewhere in the annals of City Hall is a criminal record with a star beside my name. It all started when someone decided to build the Violet Ray Laundromat on the corner of Smithfield and West Washington streets.
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Gary Church: I would decline your offer to dance — if I could only remember your name
I'm aware that I have writing, musical, and public speaking abilities. People tell me that I am multi-talented. Since all of these come natural to me, I don't look on them as a big deal. What I mostly notice about myself is all the things I can't do.
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Gary Church: The hotel may burn, but don’t mess with my waffles
I try to eat everything I put on my plate. My wife is the exact opposite. Her plate doesn't look much different when she's done eating, than from when she started.
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Gary Church: Did I hit a home run on return to stage? Well, at least I got on bass
I'm like a lot of you guys out there — an old, washed-up bass guitar player. In the early 1970s I was on stage three nights a week, playing at Borelli's Lounge in New Waterford, Ohio.
In 1974 I got married and hung up the bass. -
Gary Church: Me ? A fussy eater? Just give me a hot dog with a wiener on it
My wife always says that I'm a fussy eater. Just because I don't eat what she likes, doesn't make me fussy. The only foods I really avoid at all costs are vegetables. I don't like them.
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Gary Church: What’s in YOUR washer?
I noticed the other day, when I opened my underwear drawer, there was only one T-shirt left. The particular one that was left, I wear only on special occasions. Since it has a few designs on it from the last time I painted my house, that's the only time I wear it.
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Gary Church: You still living in the ’60s? Sock it to me!
I understand fashions change. My problem is, no one tells me about it. Back in the late 1950s, we all wore white socks, especially on the days we had gym. In the ’60s, black socks made their big debut.
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