NEW CASTLE —
If I some how stumbled upon a dusty old lamp, a magical wishing well or Leprechaun, and was offered the opportunity to make three wishes, what would I wish for?
Would I be prepared to make such a life-changing decision at the drop of a hat?
I seriously doubt that any genie worth a grain of salt will let me take his business card and get back to him after I have run all the numbers, compared depreciation trends and tax situations.
That is why I intend to be prepared for just such an odd occasion. Laugh now, but I have seen nearly every cartoon character get outsmarted or make some vital error in their choices. I will not let myself be reduced to the manic level of Daffy Duck.
If I learned anything from my countless Saturday mornings in front of the TV, it would be that there are a plethora of ways to waste a wish. The cliché wishes, such as immortality and a million dollars always seemed to be riddled with imperfection or some terrible repercussion. Immortality always leads to a miserable life, full of the loss of your loved ones and no real place in society. A wish for a million dollar leads to some sort of adverse effect related to the origins of the money.
One could choose the route of trickery and wish for unlimited wishes or the ability to be the genie's master. But that would just be cheating and I'm sure any respectable wish granter would quickly call shenanigans.
I believe my first wish would be for musical ability that borders on the inhuman. I'm talking about musical prowess and immediately understanding of melody, rhythm and sound. Coupled with the ability to perform music to grasp and move people’s emotions. Artistry that transcends musical genera and conjures the thought that “he must have sold his soul for this.”
My second wish would be that every time I spend any amount of money that it would immediately be replaced with that same amount. This would include both cash and debit purchases and have no limits to the amount of occurrences nor carry any tax ramifications.
For my third and final wish I want to make it count. I could wish for life-long protection, so nothing bad would happen to me or perhaps that my other wishes would not be governed by any outside rules or parameters. Perhaps I could wish for the removal of all the bad people from the planet, but I fear that the moment I make that wish that I would disappear, too.
My last wish would have to be that people believe every word I say no matter how outlandish my statement may be. It would be better than any Jedi mind tricks and would be such a useful skill in almost all facets of life.
Imagine being pulled over by a cop, looking him in the the eye and saying I was only going 55 and he says OK and leaves you alone. Or in any court situation and you are taken for your word no questions asked. Better yet, the dog ate my homework story will always be believed and your wife would never question your rationale, because you are always right. What could be better?
Now that I have that I have successfully applied cartoon logic to my real life I'm off to concur my Zombie Apocalypse kit.
Josh Drespling
Related Photos
-
About Josh Drespling: Josh is a former graphic designer at The News. His blog appears each Saturday.
Discussion
Josh Drespling: I've got three wishes ... now what?
- Josh Drespling
-
-
Josh Drespling: Sick and tired of being sick and tired
I'm sick of being sick! It has been over a week now fighting this ungodly pestilence that has settled in my body. Despite my best efforts, this plague has taken a firm hold of every avenue of my being. It has become the most constant and present force in my life.
-
Josh Drespling: Thank you, Mom. I’ve never said this before but ...
I'm a terrible son. I’ll can freely admit my shortcomings. Well, maybe not as awful as some. I've never been in prison or killed anyone (though I may have thought about it). I’ve never been a drug addict or a drunk. I remember most of the holidays, birthdays and celebrations and I'm capable of supporting myself and my family.
-
Josh Drespling: Leaving a paper trail blows my ‘cool’
As you probably already know, I am the coolest guy in the room no matter the company or the occasion. I am dapper, handsome, and, of course, the hippest. I am the most “in” guy and, by default, the most trendy person this side of the muddy Mississippi. My non-mainstream fashion sense and musical independence exemplify my elite status.
-
Josh Drespling: Please bear with me as I remember my brother’s special friend
As you may have picked up on in my past blogs, I grew up in a home that had only little money to spare. We made the best of all things and found our way by being resourceful and frugal.
-
Josh Drespling: Appointment! What appointment?
Dear Mr. Optometrist: Thank you for the polite reminder about my upcoming appointment. The postcard you sent in the mail was quite helpful.
-
Josh Drespling: Spring is (finally) in the air — enjoy!
We have missed you, my friend. We have all longed for your warmth, vibrance, and energy. The cold gray of winter has had us locked in its icy grasp for far too long. We greet your arrival with great anticipation and long for the newness you will bring.
-
Josh Drespling: But the time it finally clicked, it was too late — I had made a big mistake
OK, I did it. I’ll admit it. I clicked on the flashing banner on the side of the web page. You know, the one offering you great new discounted auto insurance rates or some miraculous cure to all that ails you. I know you have seen them all and have been tempted to click them just to see if you could save a few bucks or transform your life.
-
Josh Drespling: Size Does Matter
Maybe I'm turning into the old miser who chases the kids off his lawn while screaming some intangible string of expletives about staying off his grass. Maybe I'm stuck in my ways and afraid to embrace forward progress. But there comes a time to stand your ground and put your foot down. Such a time as this.
-
Josh Drespling: Afraid to speak in public? Really, it will be OK
I'm imagining you all naked right now. Did you know that a majority of the American population fear public speaking more than death itself? Yes, they would rather be in the coffin than give the eulogy.
-
Josh Drespling: Growing tall enough to witness historic leaves of change
There is a giant, old oak tree near the top of Jefferson Street Hill in New Castle. From his perch on the North Hill, he has an expansive view of all that is New Castle. From his perspective, he can see from the West Side across the whole downtown area, through the South Side, up to the very top of Sheep Hill, and back across to the city's East Side.
- More Josh Drespling Headlines
-
