NEW CASTLE —
Oh, caffeine, you are the luscious nectar of the gods!
You make my mind come alive, my fingers nimble, and reflexes super-human. Your life-giving sustenance suspended in sugary syrup brings life to my eyes and a smile to my face.
Your surge of energy coursing through my veins … sorry, I had to stop and take a gulp of the new Mountain Dew Kickstart. Mmmm.
We have spent many long, lonely nights on the highways and byways of this country with the radio blaring and the window down, blowing the frigid, winter air on our faces. In the wee hours of the morning, you have been my constant companion. We have tackled project after project together.
You and I have conquered college exams, school projects, and work deadlines. We have marched through home repairs, sick children, and early morning flights. Together we have shunned sleep and progressed forward to take over the world!
After all, sleep is the result of caffeine deprivation.
You come in so many sweet forms. Carbonated soda, rich coffee goodness, and even in a simple pill form. Many try to imitate you with their vitamins and exotic mixtures, but we all know you are the one and only true energy giver.
(OK, I’m back. The coffee finished brewing and I had to fix a nice, large cup for myself.)
I always keep you within my reach. I feel alone without you. I can admit my addiction. It is not only physical, but it is also psychological, oral, and perhaps a little primal. Others may have their vodka, cigarettes, pills, or even their Big Macs, but I am content with a cool, refreshing caffeinated drink in my hand.
Sure, you have your nay-sayers and the manufactured mania concerning the adverse effects of you on our fragile human bodies. You have been labeled a gateway drug, but I propose it is the gateway to happiness, productivity, and heightened brain functionality.
If the government of the world somehow got the notion of outlawing caffeine, the planet as we know it would come to a screeching halt — me included. You may think you’ve seen an uprising surrounding gun control or the great American Prohibition against alcohol, but I bet if you took away this fundamental food group, it would mean all-out war.
I could go on and on about my love for this life-force, but I have to wrap this up because all the coffee, pop, and energy drinks I have consumed have made me really have to go to the bathroom.
Josh Drespling
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About Josh Drespling: Josh is a former graphic designer at The News. His blog appears each Saturday.
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