NEW CASTLE — I fell the other day and it really hurt. I tripped, slid or performed some other type of embarrassing gymnastic routine over a shadow or that invisible line on our porch. I went head first down the old wooden steps coming off our porch. Thanks to my cat-like reflexes I was able to break my fall by extending my right arm and meeting the ground with the palm of my hand. However, not before I lost the entire contents of my coffee cup down the front of my freshly pressed work clothes.
When my hand met the ground the force bent my wrist backwards like a limp piece of licorice. My pinkie finger immediately became the lead in contortionist act with my coffee mug. Twisting and distorting in ways that human bones where never intended to move.
At the moment of impact I felt fine, but quickly my mind caught up to what had just happened and began sending out the pain signals to my extremities. My hand, wrist, elbow and shoulder began to scream in pain. As I stood up and attempted to regain my composure my hip and knee also joined in the shouting match to remind me that I am no longer a spring pup. I took a few limping steps forward and brushed myself off. I of course took a quick glance around to ensure that no one had seen my circus of awkwardness.
I was in pain and realized that I needed to change my clothes. I reluctantly returned to the house as I could feel the pain increasing throughout my body. I made my way to the bathroom and choked down some Tylenol and hoped for the best as I changed into a new set of clothes.
I’m sure you can sympathize with my pain and agony as we have all had at least one of those inevitably embarrassing moments. We’ve all had one of those incidents that resulted from our own poor judgment or 'missteps'. Matter of fact you are having one right now. You have been drawn in by the details of my story and have sympathized with my situation. Only problem is this whole story is a lie and none of it ever happened.