New Castle News

April 19, 2014

Josh Drespling: If you can’t stand the heat — don’t let me hear you complain!

Josh Drespling
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — Despite his best efforts to prolong his vengeful existence, Old Man Winter has met with what we can only hope was an incredibly painful and agonizing demise.

He has been left beaten and battered along some back country road, lying in a pool of mud formed from melted snow and final drops of blood that ran from the corner of his mouth when he took on the death blow from our friend and champion, Spring.

Spring has sprung in all its glory, allowing us to frolic about the countryside in our Easter dresses and bunny suits, hiding eggs in some twisted juxtaposition of symbolism, religion, and tradition.

The landscape has begun to percolate with life as it slowly transforms from its cloak of drab brown and grey to a vibrant blanket of greens, dotted with all varieties of exotic colors. The dormant plant life has come alive and greeted us with their plume of pollen, expelling their sweet fragrance and allergic-reaction inducing spores.

We fought and complained about the infamous Polar Vortex, only to have it replaced by a Pollen Vortex. Those of us with a less-than-desirable level of immunity have already begun to suffer the consequences of Spring’s arrival. We have also welcomed the Harmonia axyridis, or Lady Bug, into every crack and crevice of our homes. They have invited their detested friends, Halyomorpha halys — the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug. Oh, how we loathe these most unpleasant and downright ugly creatures.

From our front porch we can hear the distant roar of a lawn mower. The sweet scent of fresh grass tickles our nostrils as we gently rock back and forth on the ol’ porch swing. The temperatures keep climbing to the one hundred degree mark and well beyond. Sweat is running down the backs of our necks as we seek out a good place to get cool. The dank, wet air makes our breathing labored. As the air conditioners kick in, raising our electric bills, and the line at Forbush’s is a mile long, a fleeting memory passes through your mind.

You think back with fondness of those cold winter days. You and your better half curled up on the couch with a big fluffy blanket, a bowl of hot soup, and a Steelers game. You wouldn't even dare to let your foot hang out from under the blanket because it was so cold outside the cocoon you have made.

As you sit in the sweltering heat, you think how nice it would be to have that cold feeling again. And that's when it happens. The collective “we” who have longed for the heat of summer through these extended winter months, haul off and smack you right in the nose. Smack you good and hard for wishing away our sweet Summer bliss. Smack you back to reality and awaken you to the harsh realization that we warned you.

Warned you that the first person this Summer to complain about the heat is going to feel the wrath of all who wished and prayed away the Polar Vortex. We withstood month upon month of frigid cold to escape on the other side, ready to bask in the magnificent rays of the sun, to soak in the warm and comforting heat from our celestial body.

So if you are one of those “the grass is greener” types, you have been warned of the fury of us sun worshipers.