New Castle News

August 11, 2012

Our New Crop of Criminals Ain’t So Bright

Josh Drespling
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — I constantly hear people complain about the condition of our quaint little town. They disparage the city due to the amount of crime and drugs that have overtaken our humble home. The Pittsburgh news channels run New Castle stories nearly every night alongside those about shootings in Homewood or The Northside. At every turn there seems to be another murder, arson, or drug bust. Today, however, I want to talk about the level of criminal that has developed in our area.  

Maybe it’s something in the water or maybe it’s our school systems, but there is no doubt in my mind that our hometown hoodlums are getting dumber by the minute. They have seriously lowered the standard across the board. Years ago there was the respectable mobster, those who made a living and simply followed a different set of rules than the regular nine-to-five guys. They held each other to these rules or “laws,” if you will. But nowadays, it seems that every Tom, Dick, and Harry has their hands in some petty theft or scam. Heck, my ex-wife has even had her name in the paper a few times for “retail theft,” also known as stealing things from Wal-Mart.

The ugly head of white trash stupidity rose to the front of my consciousness on my smart phone this past week. My phone rang with an unknown number. I looked at the number and didn’t recognize it, so I declined the call with a quick swipe of my finger. As I went back to the task at hand, the phone sprang to life again. It was the same New Castle phone number calling again. I wondered who it could be.  Another quick swipe of my finger and the call was gone both from my phone and from my mind. After all, if it is important enough to call, it is important enough to leave a message.

As I dove back into my work, my phone vibrated with that annoying come-hither tone. This time it was a text message. As I read the text, I was aghast with the moronic contents of the message. “This is Amy’s friend Tony, she told me to text u. Call me when u are on your way to her house. How many strips you need?”  

Who is Amy, I thought. And I'm not going to anybody’s house. Wait, strips... he’s talking about drugs.  My phone vibrated again. From the same number came, “Call me. My dude is on the Eastside to meet u. I gave him 6. How many u want? Where ya wanna meet?”

As I finished reading the messages, I was in disbelief that somebody could be so careless. Of course, I couldn’t let this slide. My mind raced with how to mess with the simpleton who mistakenly thought I was his hook up to unload a couple strips of ‘cid.

I responded with, “If you’re sellin’ you might want to make sure you have the right number first. Good luck with that.”

My phone never rang again. I’m sure our two bit, wannabe thug, was shaking in his boots, afraid that his attempt to be cool was about to blow up in his face.

I did a little digging and found that our wannabe thug had a yard sale posted on Craigslist with his phone number and full address. The sale was on July 11-15 and was listed in “PENSILVANIA”. Yes, that’s how he spelled it. He had some tools, a dirt bike, a four wheeler, even some electronics and clothes for sale, funny, there was no mention of another, off-the-book sales.

In closing—kids, if you’re reading this, please grow up to make us proud. I mean do something legit, and at least make it on the national news if you’re going to choose a life of crime. Otherwise, you’re making New Castle look bad, and we don’t need any more help doing that.