New Castle News

Columns

June 22, 2013

Bruce Waldman: A little bathroom humor from a ‘Money Pit’

NEW CASTLE — Tom Hanks had it right. My home is a “Money Pit.”

My lovely wife told me we needed to remodel the bathroom and then she went to England to visit her father. I hired a contractor, thinking this will be a $500 to $1,000 job.

My home is older but he found more rotten wood than in an architectural expedition. He had to knock out existing tile, walls to the studs. My first impression was I was in enough dust to fill part of the Sahara. My great shower was gone.

Of course, the contractor said this wasn’t straight and gave a list of about 10 things of concern. I hugged my checkbook.

Thank you, Lowe’s, because I made more trips there in four months than to the bathroom I was remodeling.

By e-mail, my wife told me of all the new things we needed. Slowly it came together. I bought a new counter top for a double sink, new fixtures all around, towel and paper holders, medicine cabinets, lighting and, of course, my contractor had many paint requests. I even bought a new toilet with a hydraulic seat.

My wife came home and gave me the critic sheet. She didn’t like the paint so we bought wallpaper and, of course, one that makes me dizzy. She likes the shower but loves coffee in the morning so she wants a wet-dry microwave installed with a flat screen TV. The toilet is too high and she wants to know if they make one like the car that can be adjusted.

She asked if the toilet had connections for an iPad because she likes her music. And I discovered I had enough shampoo and other female necessities to outfit a small pharmacy, which could pay for part of the bathroom.

Thanks, Mr. Hanks — $17,000!

(This week’s guest blogger, Bruce Waldman, is a Neshannock Township resident and a frequent letter writer to The News.)

 

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