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April 1, 2014

Kali Davies-Anderson: What do I know for sure about parenting? Here are a few things

NEW CASTLE — In two weeks my baby girl will turn a year old.

Only a few short months after that, my oldest daughter will turn 3.

Parenting has its ups and downs, and every day feels like a new adventure. Rarely do I find myself feeling any type of certainty about anything in particular.

I have discovered, however, that despite the erratic lifestyle that parenting perpetuates, some things ARE predictable. Some things can truly be counted on as rock solid facts.

Today, I will share with you some of the most reliable aspects of being a parent, particularly to toddlers and infants.

1) As soon as you start brewing your coffee in the morning, the children will simultaneously awaken from very peaceful slumbers, screaming and starving.

2) Outlet covers are designed to be peeled away by tiny hands.

3) “Dora the Explorer” is annoying to all adults.

4) If you drop a sewing needle on the floor, sweep it with a broom around the living room and power wash your rugs, the needle will always end up on your baby’s high chair.

5) Cat tails were designed to be yanked on.

6) Taking a shower and putting your pajamas back on is acceptable.

7) Peeing alone is against the law.

8) Toys are not considered loved until they are dirty, torn and broken.

9) Buying a $3 coffee for you is wasteful. Buying a 4-foot-high stuffed duck for your 2-year-old is not.

10) Washable crayons and markers are God’s gifts to parents.

11) It IS possible to nurse, rock, change and sing to a newborn while completely asleep.

12) Front doors and windows are meant to be licked.

13) A baby’s most-needed nap always begins in the car, 46 seconds before you arrive at your destination.

14) Double strollers should come with a 7-foot, 300-pound man to push them.

15) M&Ms making long shopping trips possible.

16) All chicken nuggets are not created equal.

17) It’s OK to eat cake before bed every night. You deserve it.

18) Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the night out without the kids.

19) Your life will never be the same after having children.

20) You can’t imagine going back to the way life was before.

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