NEW CASTLE —
This world is a crazy place.
At the same time I was celebrating bringing a beautiful little girl into it, the city of Boston, and the entire country really, was mourning the loss of life and horrific injury. It’s hard not to feel sadness, even during a personally happy time, for those suffering in the midst of such a senseless tragedy.
Just as with the 9/11 attacks, the Oklahoma City bombing, Sandy Hook and all of the other acts of terrorism on our United States during my lifetime, I sat glued to the television, wondering how this could happen — wondering why anyone would want to harm innocent people, children even, just to make a statement. Just to be recognized. Just simply because.
We may never have the answers, even with much speculation, we will never truly know what, in a person’s mind, body and spirit makes them want to harm others.
The television footage and still images of the “Boston Bombers” are harrowing to look at. Here, we have two “normal” looking young people, harmless looking even, and taking lives with no sense of remorse. As a child, I always had nightmares, always had images of “monsters” in the nightmares. They typically had horns or fangs and were always larger than life.
As an adult, I now know that “monsters” can also come in the form of young adults appearing, at least to the average bystander, to be very normal, teenage boys with no real history of violence and foreign travelers with brief cases and business suits. This is the world I will be raising MY children in, and while it is terribly frightening, the notion that things can be taken away so very quickly, has and I imagine always will, make me very grateful for what I have.
The day after I heard about Sandy Hook and all of the innocent lives lost and scarred, my daughter was giving me a hard time going down for a nap. I had put her in her crib at around noon and at 1 p.m. she was still awake and crying. I was pregnant and very nauseated and my housework was pilling up. I usually take the time that she naps as my time to get things done and when she doesn’t, I feel defeated in my day.
However, as I watched the video monitor of her roaming back and forth in the crib, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Here I was getting upset that my 1-year-old wouldn’t nap when all of the parents of the Sandy Hook victims were about to celebrate the Christmas holiday without their little ones — the first of many holidays and birthdays spent grieving.
After these emotions began flowing, I turned off the monitor, opened the door to my daughter’s room and set her on my lap in the rocking chair. As she laid her head on my chest and pressed her tummy up against my big pregnant belly, another indication of how blessed I was, I ran my hands through her pretty blonde curls and cried.
I suppose if any good can come of true agony and terror, it is that despite any one person or group’s efforts, there will always be good in the world. Signs of this may fade at times and cause us to question it’s presence but when I look at my beautiful, healthy babies I know that all is not lost.
And as I venture to raise my children in a scary and sometimes shockingly cruel world, I must remember to count my blessings, to not take anything for granted and to savor every moment, because we never know what the next day may bring.
NEW CASTLE —
This world is a crazy place.
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